In 2003, an American nurse called Amy Loughren was told by police that her close friend and fellow nurse Charles Cullen was a serial killer. A single mother working long night shifts, she was alerted by local New Jersey police that they had reason to believe that Cullen had been murdering patients by poisoning them with lethal doses of medicine.
The news was beyond shocking to Loughren, who had been so close to Cullen that he had helped her conceal her heart condition from her employers who might have fired her as a result. Cullen had committed his crimes in nine hospitals in total, and in 2006 was convicted of 29 murders. The true number of thought to be around 400 making him the most prolific serial killer in US history.
Loughren risked her life and livelihood to bring Cullen to justice, helping the police with their investigation by going undercover to expose her one-time friend. She wore a wire to record their conversations, and when this provided enough information for the authorities to hold him in custody, she managed to talk him into confessing. He is currently serving a life sentence.
The story is now the focus of new film The Good Nurse, starring Jessica Chastain as Loughren and Eddie Redmayne as Charles Cullen. Rather than focus on the killer, the movie concentrates on Loughren - the remarkably brave woman who ended nearly two decades of brutal violence. It also looks at how the medical system enabled Cullen to continue with his harrowing crimes. Here, Loughren herself, tells us how it felt to discover her friend was a murderer, how she grappled with guilt at not realising sooner and the way in which she played an integral role in putting him in prison.
Did you have any trepidation about working on the film in terms of how often true crime sensationalises or glamourises the perpetrators?
“I did, trepidation is correct. Initially, I didn’t want my name attached to it because I didn’t want anyone to think I wanted to capitalise off of a serial killer story. Eventually, I realised it would give me a platform to explain myself and also give a voice to others who have loved dark people or have loved those with serious mental illness that led to dark acts. I wanted also be able to fully understand that he wasn’t a mercy killer, someone who intentionally kills another who is suffering from a painful, long-term illness. After I stopped struggling with my guilt, I wanted to get involved.”
How closely did you work with Jessica and Eddie on the film?
“Pretty close. Eddie and I talked a lot about who the real Charlie was. I didn’t know the serial killer, I met that person only a few times. The real Charles Cullen was a different person. Eddie took notes from my description of him, and I watched him take those notes and put those into his craft and artistry to become Charles. Jessica talked a lot too - she played the version of me from 20 years ago.
The person I am today is not the same as the woman you see on screen - I am 20 years wiser and more confident. I’m a much better version of myself than I was then. Jessica offered a gentleness to that 20-year-old past self that I didn’t realise I had and that to me was one of the most beautiful things that she put into play.”
What do you think sets it apart to other true crime films?
“Director Tobias Lindholm went above and beyond to make this a film about friendship and how regular people can do really hard things, they don’t have to be perfect, but they can show up as a friend, a confidant, a mother. They can still see do good stuff without being perfect. He made it about the friendship and love Charles and I had for one another, and that humans are complicated. He didn’t sensationalise the fact that he was a serial killer, he showed humanity, gentleness and hope.”
At what point did you realise that he was a murderer? Did you have any suspicions before the police contacted you about their concerns?
“No, I thought maybe he had a bit of depression. We bonded over the fact that we both had darkness within us - my darkness was different to his. Mine went in a direction of seeking out light and his went into an obsession with darkness. I didn’t see any outward darkness until I met the murderer. When I did realise he was a killer, there were so many emotions. When I first read the evidence and there was no doubt there was something sinister, I had a moment that you see in movies where my vision went. I don’t even remember driving home that day. It was like everything shut down, I completely disassociated from reality because I could not process it. It was such an intense emotion that I couldn’t even grasp it.”
What was your biggest worry in working with the police? Were you scared?
“I was scared shitless. It was terrifying going in, especially when they wired me up, saw my scar of a recent pacemaker implantation and the detective said ‘no, we can’t put this wire on you.’ I said, ‘Yes you can. I’m a cardiac nurse, I know I’ll be ok.’ He went to his colleague and they talked about shutting this down, so I had to talk them into it. The truth is I didn’t know how this would affect my heart, but I knew I needed to go in there and get that confession. I was determined maybe, not brave.”
I wanted to be part of this, so that I could shine a light on those victims because so many people believe he was a mercy killer and we have white washed people into thinking that his victims were already too sick to survive.
When was the last time you saw him and how did that feel?
“When he found out that I had been working for the New Jersey Crown Prosecution that was the last time he answered my letters. Up until then, I saw him in prison maybe dozens of times. I really wanted to know if I had harmed someone accidentally and I wanted answers and closure. I think I wanted to be in denial that he was a mercy killer, I wanted to make certain that whoever my friend Charlie was that he was no longer there. I didn’t get the answers I wanted, but I was able to see how charismatic he was and how easy it was to be drawn in. It was a process of being able to forgive myself for not seeing it.
I knew that monster needed to be behind bars, but I was also putting my friend Charlie behind bars. I struggled with that. Also, the guilt of knowing that my patient had been harmed - people who I was supposed to protect had been harmed in my care. It was another reason I wanted to be part of this, so that I could shine a light on those victims because so many people believe he was a mercy killer and we have white washed people into thinking that his victims were already too sick to survive. People thought that because there were no blood and guts that it wasn’t monstrous, but the medication that Charles Cullen used were terrifying and paralytic so he could take them off their sedation, wake them up, give them a paralytic and watch them struggle to breathe. They couldn’t even call out for help.”
What have you learnt about people’s propensity for good and bad?
“People are complicated. We have all loved someone dark, someone who has the capability to do monstrous things. I think everyone who watches this movie will be able to see that in themselves. It doesn’t mean we don’t hold them accountable or set boundaries for ourselves, but we can forgive ourselves for loving dark people.”
In what way has this experience changed you?
“I went on an intense spiritual quest after all this because I wanted to believe he was a mercy killer and I wanted to understand why I loved someone so dark. I found that answer and, the fact is, I see the light in people. I can look beyond someone’s darkness and see the light. It does not mean that I don’t hold them accountable, it means I have a gift rather than a curse. The journey to peace is a daily journey. Peace can be a choice and I’m grateful for the experience because I never would have learnt so much about myself without Charles Cullen. I am grateful for what I had in that friendship because he saved my life. I am still here with my daughters because of him. There was divine intervention involved.”
The Good Nurse is out in selected cinemas from 19 October and available to watch on Netflix from 29 October.
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